Commence the Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth.

Well, we have it on good authority now! Uncle Dick has cleared it up for us. On Tuesday Richard Griffin wrote an article in which he assured us that the unsigned status of Cito Gaston was de facto evidence that JP Ricciardi's job status for 2009 was still in limbo:

On Aug.6, GM J.P. Ricciardi announced on his loose-cannon radio show that Gaston would return as manager in 2009, effectively removing any "interim" tag from his title. Yet, in the ensuing 41 days, nothing has happened in that regard. What gives?

The simple answer is that it was never Ricciardi's prerogative to make the Gaston announcement as long as his own status for '09 was still in doubt – which it is. Yes, the folks at the Rogers campus have a significant financial commitment to Ricciardi through 2010, but there is still active discussion from on high as to whether J.P. should be allowed to continue into Year 8 of the five-year plan.

Now, pay no mind to the fact that Uncle Dick is still deluding himself that there ever was a five year plan, he's a professional journalist and he's well connected and knows his stuff so if he says JP's status is still up in the air you can take that to the bank!

Eh? Hold on, wait a sec, the intern is telling me something....What's that? The HELL you say!

Okay, shit, late breaking news folks!

Our intrepid reporter has been at work again today. The ink stained scribe delivers to us the hottest news uncovered by his never-ending search for the truth:

The timing of the Gaston news conference, during rather than after the season, confirms what sources have whispered. Ricciardi's job as GM is safe for another year. If the Jays were going to replace Ricciardi, as had been under serious consideration, they would have waited until the new guy was in place. In the majors, the GM in most cases will make the announcement of his field manager.

So, there you have it - JP's status us not still up in the air! Oh . . .wait . . . hmmm. So...if "sources have whispered" JP was coming back then why did Griffin write ONLY YESTERDAY that his status was uncertain?

Couldn't be because his skills are failing him since we know he gets all his facts straight - just look at the five year plan! Ok, well, maybe bad example. Anyway, maybe it's just because the man is fucking obsessed? Honeslty, for all his flaws, I support JP, I think he's done more good than bad and I'm not the sort to hold out for the Practically Perfect GM. But if I thought he was the biggest train-wreck since Bill Bavasi, I would still be very tempted to hope he keeps the job just on the off chance that we'll get to see Uncle Dick's head explode when he's retained.

Thus the headline. From Griffin to Rotoworld all the way down to anonymous posters on BBS, the venom directed at JP on-line borders on that directed at GWB. It's pathological. (No, I don't mean EVERY criticism, many are quite reasonable). I can't say that I'm not a little amused that those who were so certain he would be gone have to suffer through another year. Call me petty.

~WillRain

The Roundup

It's hard to complain after a shutout victory against the Bosox, but it would be remiss of me not to mention that we still face a very uphill battle in the weeks and months to come.

Jayson Stark throws a glass of cold numerical water in the faces of the optimists:

• The Blue Jays, Padres and Rockies won't want to hear that only 10 of 152 playoff teams since 1982 finished April more than three games under .500. And just one team since 1935 -- the 1979 Pirates -- was more than three games under after April and won the World Series.

• The Mariners and Dodgers won't want to hear that of the 126 teams that finished in first place over the last 25 full seasons, 99 of them (or 79 percent) were no worse than 2½ games out of first by the end of April.

• And the Indians, Tigers and Braves won't want to hear that in the wild-card era (1995 on), just 20 of 104 playoff teams (19 percent) were under .500 -- yep, even one game under -- at the end of April.

Yes, indeed.

May does not appear to be a "soft" month for the Jays at first glance. There is a 4-game home set with the Royals and a series against the Angels, a very good team the Jays have run roughshod over for years, but some stiffer opposition from the White Sox, Rays, Tribe, Twins, Phillies, and A's. Everyone's hoping for a nice long winning streak to square us at .500 by this time next week, but I would be surprised if we were at that point by the end of the month given the quality of the opposition we're about to face. And yes, I will high five you if if it turns out I was totally wrong.

Totally plagarizing from Cathal Kelly, here are the matchups for the upcoming weekender with the pale-hosers:

TONIGHT
vs. Chicago White Sox, 7 p.m.
RH Shaun Marcum (2-2, 3.24) vs. LH Mark Buehrle (1-2, 5.65)
TV: RSO RADIO: FAN 590

TOMORROW
vs. Chicago White Sox, 1 p.m.
RH Jesse Litsch (3-1, 4.85) vs. LH John Danks (2-2, 3.00)
TV: RSO RADIO: FAN 590

SUNDAY
vs. Chicago White Sox, 1 p.m.
RH Roy Halladay (2-4, 3.26) vs. RH Jose Contreras (2-2, 3.98)
TV: RSO RADIO: FAN 590

Your morning routine wouldn't be complete without a cup of Joe and some bat-shit craziness from Dick Griffin, but the big guy kind of lets us down with a fairly even keel piece on how we should be guardedly optimistic after last night's showing. He does go a little loopy inserting himself in the story with his final quote:

"Richard, so far May's a good month," Gibbons said before anyone could ask him a question, with a wide smile that showed he was happy to head home."

Frankly, if this is a new literary device to be incorporated into his Jays reportage, I'm fully supportive. A potential sample from tomorrow's paper:

"It was a dark and stormy night outside the Rogers Centre as I took the long slow walk into the Jays club house. I took one look at the lineup card, shook my head, then sought out the Jays skipper.

'Gibby, why in the name of Ron Leflore don't you use John McDonald as your leadoff man? He does all the little things the right way! Zut Alors!'

The Gruff Texan responded curtly, 'go fornicate yourself with a pop can, Griffin, you toothless hack. I'm fully aware that your 'front office' experience with the Expos involved little more than writing cookie cutter press releases. Now piss off!'

Jays 5-White Sox 2."

William Houston weighs in the old blogs v. mainstreamers debate in today's Globe if you're interested.

Wilner checks in on the bizarre balk call on BJ Ryan in the 9th, noting that he used the same motion for pretty much every pitch he threw in the inning. I should stop linking Wilner, really. We're redundant if you're reading The Oracle on a daily basis.

Wilner did pour cold water on a caller's suggestion that the Jays sign Raffy Furcal to play short for us in 2009. Rightly so. MLBTR figures he's in line for for 5 years at $75 million. I humbly remind you that we've suggested trading for Khalil Greene, an unhappy Padre who has alarming home-road splits (Petco is just killing the guy).

Those who were on the "bring in Barry Bonds" bandwagon will probably find a pair of lefty sluggers in Cincy, Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey II, who are available as mid-season acquisitions appealing alternatives. Unless Adam Lind fulfills the loftier expectations of guys like us.

ELSEWHERE:

* Yankees wunderbar Phil Hughes was a boo-boo on his right side and will likely be out until July. He'll be replaced in an already shaky rotation by Darrell Rasner, a Josh Towers-esque shit leopard in the making.

* We were spared any news on the Roger Clemens adultery front. Tomorrow's new rumoured paramour? Roseanne Barr?

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

Temporary lay offs.
Good Times.
Easy credit rip offs.
Good Times.
Scratchin' and surviving.
Good Times.
Hangin in a chow line
Good Times.
Ain't we lucky we got 'em
Good Times.

The Frank-less Jays are 2-0 now, not that they look any better of a club without his hulking presence in the middle of the lineup. We've all weighed in here on the situation, so I'll be brief with some final thoughts on the matter:

1) Regardless of whether he signs on somewhere else and starts hitting like we expected, there's no prospect of him producing to the $10 million-level in 2009. We win long-term by wiping this contract off the books even if he does rebound. (Spoiler alert! Don't expect this to dawn on Richard Griffin.)

2) In saving roughly $22 million next year with the departures of Thomas and Burnett (who can probably be replaced adequately with players making the minimum, Lind and Purcey), we have some serious coin to play with in the free agent market next year. Yes, Vernon's salary is about to spike from $10 million next year to $21 million in 2010, but still. Priorities with new cash? Extending Doc? Signing Rafael Furcal?

3) As Will mentions, it's not completely outrageous to speculate that Adam Lind and Frank Thomas will finish the year with simliar lines. From his 2006 to 2007 campaigns, Thomas' home run total dropped by 13, his SLG % by 65 points. Dave Cameron at Fangraphs thinks "The first several weeks of his season don’t give us any real reason to expect Thomas to continue to struggle like this", but conceeds that his total lack of speed make it impossible for him to return to a league average BABIP. I feel that regardless of this early season slump, he's trending downward toward the .800 OPS territory that optimists can hope for out of Lind.

Fear not the future.

Over at Sons of Samhorn (the Bosox fansite), the discussion on this roster move is mostly intelligent and more than a little bit entertaining. Of note are some comments that JP has appeared on New England sports radio recently and given flat out denials that the club would even consider signing Barry Bonds. It's a fantasy than many of us, myself included, have allowed ourselves to, uh, fantasize about.

Wilner spoke to JP (audio clip) yesterday afternoon and it's pretty surprising how the boss comes out smelling roses from all the unpleasantness. I don't want to repeat myself so I'll leave it at that.

Blair thinks it was a good move and pats himself on the back for seeing it coming. He also thinks it was all about the money. I don't think anyone will disagree with that.

Griffin returns to his ususual douche-baggery, calling the Thomas contract the worst in team history. Of his top 5 worst contract list, I think 4 were the work of JP. Fucking Griffin, so predictable. I kind of do like that he tartly notes that May 25 is Frank Thomas bobblehead day, but this is the same sort of bullshit that we've all come to love from Uncle Griff.

Robinzon Diaz, a scrappy little catcher who swings at everything from his shoe laces to batting helmet (and makes contact), was called up for today's game and will soon become a local fave. Expect the dump Zaunnie movement to gather steam now that the biggest waste of space has been dealt with and a serious young contender for 2009 catching duties up on the big club.

Jays-Tigers, 12:37 getaway day game on your Rogers Preview Channel (399 down in London Town). Expect a raucus crowd with an average age of 12 or so.

ELSEWHERE:

* Off to a 10-10 start, they're starting to officially panic in the Bronx about starting pitching because Mussina is indeed looking very Josh Towersy and wunderkind Phil Hughes was been godawful. Joba to the rescue? You're gonna wreck the kid, you lunkheads.

* The Bosox clawed one back from the Rangers yesterday, trailing 5-0 late in the game. Puta madre!

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

The other day I libelously fabricated a list of 19 players from the 1998 Blue Jays who I believed to have been fellow steroid users with testicularly-challenged slugger turned club house rat Jose Canseco. And ironically, Will brought this post from Baseball Digest Daily to people's attention yesterday:

Recordnet.com reports this morning that former Toronto Blue Jays infielder Ed Sprague has admitted to using many performance-enhancing drugs in his playing days, before all this was illegal:

Ed Sprague, now in his fifth season as baseball coach at University of the Pacific, said he used amphetamines and Androstenedione and once hit a home run with a corked bat. When asked directly about steroids, Sprague said he couldn't condemn all steroid users in baseball because he used Andro, which was banned under the Anabolic Steroid Control Act of 2004, and amphetamines, a form of speed known in baseball as "greenies."

"Well, amphetamines are illegal now, too, and I took those, so am I going to stand on one side and not the other side?" Sprague said. "I took Andro, and they banned that. So, am I the cleanest guy? No, but I tried to be as strong and as healthy as I could as long as I could for my career."

That's right, Sprague. I was on to you, you fuck. You sir, were not fit to hold Kelly Gruber's jock strap.

Zwolinski at the Star does some alternative history referring to Sprague as a "Glory Jay" and "hero", when in fact he was actually quite a shitty hitter (a career 90 OPS+ doesn't lie) until he started 'roiding it up and hit 36 home runs in 1996. Yes, fine, he did hit a timely home run in the 1992 World Series, but I think it's a stretch to consider him a popular player.

Bring up Sprague's name to any 30+ Canadian and the first thing you'll hear is "Hey, isn't he that guy who was married to that American synchronized swimmer who fradulently won a gold medal in the 1992 Olypmics when one of the judges accidentally entered the wrong score into his voting machine and couldn't fix it, robbing her Canadian rival of the gold medal she deserved? And didn't Cindy Sprague refuse to do the right thing and swap medals when she heard what had happened after the competition?" That's exactly what they'd say, word for word.

And watch for my next list, which will reveal every member on the 1984 Jays who had communist sympathies. Sneak peek: they all had brown skin and surnames that ended in "Z" or "O".

Since I'm throwing out wild accusations Jose Canseco-style, would you be interested in knowing how I know that Richard Griffin got really baked yesterday? Glad you asked. It's because he wrote this piece praising the Jays organization for turning its image around and making TO a desirable place to play. Or maybe he just had Cathal Kelly ghost write one for him, we shall never know.

I don't really want to say anything about last night's game (WTF? We don't pound lefties anymore? I'm so calling Wilner and demanding we get Reed Johnson back!). Actually, AM 980 cut away from JaysTalk before it got started to pick up a random west coast hockey playoff game, so I really have no idea what the toothless morons of Jays fandom had to complain about last night or how Wilner pilloried every one of their idiotic little statements. It's probably for the best, though, because there was little good beyond Shaun Marcum.

(Wilner blogs that the Jays have a bad case of badly-needing-Rolen-and-the-Beej-itis, and I concur with that diagnosis).

Jesse Carlson is pretty weird-looking, but I won't tease him about it. I'm kind of rooting for the little guy, who got his first call to the bigs at age 27 and cried when he heard the news. It's like how I cried when I got admitted into the Ph.D program at whatever university I go to and realized I'd have to spend the next 5-7 years of my life reading books about American views of the Franco-Prussian War of 1870 and suchlike.

I do, however, need to address the fact that I prediced that we'd take 2 of 3 handily from the A's, who are doing a pretty damn fine imitation of a contender for a club that's supposed to be rebuilding. That sort of boastfullness can only bring bad mojo down on one's head, and I won't do it ever again. Promise!

Heading down to the "I tell you what" state, we've got these matchups over the next three days:

Litsch- Padilla
Halladay-Luis Mendoza (who?)
Burnett-Jennings

It should be interesting to see what Burnett looks like on Sunday, but when I say "interesting" I really mean "terrifying."

Also, there's a new issue of "Behind the Dish" out. Actually, I'm a couple of days late on this (check with them on Tuesdays), but I'd highly recommend you check it out if you're interested in the Jays system.

Re: drunken brawling in the 500s... James Christie at the Globe takes a look at the weird relationship between Toronto sports teams and their fans, who are chided for either being to quiet (most of the time) or too rowdy (new development). Jeez, guys, make up your mind.

ELSEWHERE:

* Stern-looking Bosox beard-wearer Mike Lowell is headed to the DL with a sprained thumb and will have his roster spot temporarily filled by Jed Lowrie of AAA Paw-tuck-it. You may recall Lowrie from the Johan Santana trade rumour derby of the past offseason. He's the guy who's going to make Julio Lugo Coco Crisp's $12 mil benchwarmer buddy sometime around the middle of next year. For all the scorn that's heaped on JP for the revolving door at shortstop during his tenure with the Jays, many forget that the Bosox haven't exactly had stability at the position, either. The difference between them and us is that they have the luxury of plopping down millions for a new one every year. I hate rich people...

* Is Jose Guillen still on the waiver wire of your fantasy pool because all of your fellow poolies expected him to be suspended for 15 games early in the season? Go on, grab him up. That suspension isn't coming and the stoner community can breathe a sigh of relief.

* Remember how alot of the witty fucks predicted that the Rays would finish third in the AL East? Many of those same people predicted the Mariners would do something silly like take the Wild Card. Guess what? The Mariners can't score. That will seriously impinge upon their plans to actually win games.

-- Johnny Was