The Roundup

One of the more funner aspects of this blogging game, for me at least, is digging up names, hashing out potential trades and speculating on what it would take to make it happen. If that's your bag, too, I strongly encourage you to read Will's case for Milton Bradley: he's cheap, he's a proven bat, he's an upgrade on Stew, and he's currently held by a Trader Jack GM. Git. 'Er. Done!

That was one of the more beautifully pitched efforts of recent memory from Shaun Marcum last night, ranking just behind Dustin McGowan's near no-no against the Rockies and Doc's 10-inning CG against the Tigers (both last year). Bringing him out for the 9th after sitting on the bench for a half an hour was, in retrospect, a bad idea, but like you wouldn't have done it, too. Is there anyone out there who doesn't believe in this kid by now? He's made The Oracle giddy, so you know he must be something special.

Is is indeed possible that neither J-Mac or Eckstein hit the DL? Hmm. I haven't read anyone else comment on it, but did you think that Eckstein's crazy dive on a flyball he had no hope of catching was comic and excessive? What I'm saying is, feeling the pressure of some lost PT to a superior defender, it looked like he over exerted himself in a vain attempt at a web gem. That sits ill with me.

Troy Percival may be getting it done as the Rays closer, but did he go to the David Wells School of Physical Conditioning in the offseason? I suppose his improbable comeback still counts as one of the feel good stories of the past calender year, but still. Yer fat!

ELSEWHERE:

* Etobicoke's Joey Votto has been unshackled. Scott Hattewho?

* Are any of us actually taken in by this "Cliff Lee, ace" hoax? He's off to a fantastic start and at age 29 he's never been better than average+ over a full season. He appears to have taken last year's intense suckage to heart, but there's no way his current success is sustainable. I could look up his BABip, which I assume is ridiculously and unsustainably low, but I just can't be asked.

* Obtained as part of the Johan Santana deal, a lot of people assumed this kid wasn't ready for primetime. He and his cycle beg to differ. And isn't speed, defense and a .720 OPS exactly what the Twins look for out of their ideal player?

* Roger Clemens has some 'splainin' to do before John Law. And the US Olympic Baseball team wants no part of him for Beijing '08.

* A-Rod is expected to be ready for action next week. Hoo-ray.

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

I kind of feel for the Sox after their loss yesterday even though, in general, I find Ozzie Guillen to be one the least sympathetic characters in the game. The events that transpired during the Jays 3-run third were deliciously mischievous: Rios made a minor base-running blunder, but the umps blew the call on what should've been a double play, we go on to score some runs, etc. It's exactly the sort of thing that had been happening to us during the Week of Suck just past.

Ozzie's defense mechanism when backed into a corner is to drop more F-bombs per square sentence than a druken sailor with Tourette's sydrome. (By the way, I recommend Jonathan Lethem's Motherless Brooklyn as far and away the best, saddest book I've ever read about a private eye who suffers from Tourette's).

Put the kids to bed, because here's some pure, unbridled, rage-filled Ozzie:

"We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]," Guillen said sarcastically before the Sox (14-15) lost to the Blue Jays 4-3 and fell below .500 for the first time since April 3.

" The Cubs haven't won in [100] years, and they're the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win.

"We have the worst owner (Jerry Reinsdorf). The guy's got seven [bleeping] rings, and he's the [bleeping] horse[bleep] owner."

Hi,

My name is Ozzie. I'm an intensely-talented manager who consistently outperforms his Pythag on a yearly basis. And I'm a... swear-aholic. [polite applause].

And just what in the hell were they doing in the visitor's club house before the game? Fidlin writes:

Over in the White Sox clubhouse, they had some sort of pagan ritual going, trying to energize their anemic offence. The less everyone knows, the better, but it did involve maple bats (not syrup) and inflatable dolls.

If they've got country white dudes like Jim Thome practicing Santeria, be afraid, be very afraid. Somebody pass me a sacrificial goat so we can counter hex them!

Actually, it looked like this (cheers MacLeod, for the uncensored version):

Visitors to the Chicago White Sox clubhouse yesterday were – how should we put this – rather surprised by the site of two inflatable female dolls perched on a couch.

The dolls were surrounded by the game bats that the White Sox were going to use later on that day against the Blue Jays.

One of the bats was inserted in a delicate spot, but the doll didn't seem to mind.

“You've Got To Push” read a sign one of the dolls was holding. “Let's Go White Sox,” said another.

Hrm, that's moderately to extremely sexist.

It's Dusty-Vazquez in the finale of this four gamer as the Jays try to sweep the pale hosers out of town and I can't believe I'm writing this after that roadtrop from... On deck are the Tampa Bay Rays fresh off being swept at Fenway. Those britches a little big, fellas?

The Oracle lists his favourite Jays blogs and we are, woot woot!, on the list. It's an honour, sir, to be skim read by you. And believe me, Mr. Wilner, we are indeed trying to contribute to the downfall of society; I have a list of those to be lined up against the wall once the revolution begins. Hahahahaha.

And speaking of the blogosphere, is All Your Base Are Belong to Rios now defunct? I'm giving their link to the Ghostrunners, whose bizarre sense of humour and collection of Descendents cassettes dovetails nicely with my own unique world view.

The Oracle did address a topic of interest on JaysTalk yesterday, namely, what do we do with a very crowded bullpen full of quality arms? Brian Tallet and Jason Frasor haven't pitched since the last vernal equinox, Brian Wolfe is set to come off the DL in a fortnight or so, and Brandon League is still kicking about in AAA. Let's make a trade!

Last year the Pads traded 2-month rental Scott Linebrink, a slightly better than average 7th inning guy, to Milwaukee for three players, including lefty K machine Joe Thatcher. Back in '06, the Nationals sent two relievers, Gary Majewski and Bill Bray along with assorted flotsam and jetsam to the Reds for Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez. Perhaps that doesn't look like such a slam dunk victory for the Nats now, but Majewski and Bray both flamed out while Kearns and Lopez are major league starters. The point is that these surplus, semi-redunant relief arms may not be valued much by us, but someone will overpay for them.

I'd have to figure Tallet should be the most likely to be traded because he's got 2+ solid seasons under his belt and will be arbitration eligible next year. If Frasor is to be used less often then Shawn Camp, he could just as easily be included in a package. Think shortstop, JP, because we're going to need a new one next year.

On a final note, the question of Adam Lind's struggles at the dish. Let him play fulltime regardless because he is certainly an integral part of the future. There's no reason to think a kid who hit .367/.415/.600 in his first month in the bigs won't start smacking the ball around. You clamoured for him, you got him, so stick with your man.

ELSEWHERE:

* Roger Clemens says he's "sorry" for mistakes he's made in his personal life. Don't tell us Rog, save it for the Mrs.

* Dontrelle "Watchoo Talkin'bout?" Willis tweaked his knee on a rehab assignment and doesn't look likely to return to the Tigers' rotation any time soon. Jim Leyland is promising "changes" after his club was swept out of Minny on the weekend, which can only mean that he's switching brands from Marlboros to Camel Wides (and going to demand a whole lot more small ball out of a big ball lineup).

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

Tune of the day is "Hope" by the Descedents. Very much appropriate to our non-girl related concerns in the here 'n' now.

The Oracle says that the Jays totally won yesterday, but I didn't see it after being rooked into an afternoon at the the-atre. From what I've gleaned Litsch was great and the bats were good enough. Rock on.

Doc takes on "36-year-old" Jose Contreras of the pale hosers this afternoon. I make no prediction because they're mostly wrong anyway, so just pour over the B-R preview and come to your own conclusions.

If Seinfeld was indeed "a show about nothing", here's an article about nothing. Mats Sundin has warning track power? Can he play short? No surprise that Matt Stairs was pretty much the only one of the team to engage him in conversation.

Bob Elliot goes all sarcastic about the "Fire Gibby" set. It's really out of character and kind of funny.

Larry Millson of the Globe checks in on a struggling Travis Snider down at AA New Hampshire. The young slugger in his own words:

“I'm obviously going through an adjustment period right now. I don't think it is as much as the level I'm at as it is what I'm doing in my swing. I'm trying to iron some things out with the hitting coach. I've really been just grinding it out in the cage and trying to get as much work in as possible and just allow these things to kind of care of themselves and go out there and start swinging the bat the way I can.”

There's still plenty of ball left and he his success in the Arizona Fall League last year indicate that he has the raw ability to turn things around, but there is an enormous amount of pressure on young Travis to become a Force and quick.

ELSEWHERE:

* Scott Kazmir makes his first start of the season today at Fenway, where he's been a raging Bosox killer over the years (which probably points towards the Beantowners poaching him when he hits free agency). He's on a strict pitch count of 100, which should get him through about 4 innings. And therein lies the reason why I'm not that impressed with one of the "best" young starters in the American League.

* Darrell Rasner the Yankees saviour? I smell blood in the water...

* Did you want a voyeuristic Roger Clemens update? From the NY Daily News (the rag that broke the story):

Dr. Lawrence Balter, a professor of applied psychology at New York University who has not worked with Clemens, says men and women who are as blatant about affairs as Clemens has been have an oversized sense of entitlement.

"They believe if it makes them feel good, it's justified," says Balter...

Through it all, Clemens never made much of an effort to cover his tracks, at least not once he got comfortable with a woman and her friends or family.

"Damn miracle," says a source close to the couple when asked how Clemens was able to keep his affair with McCready away from the prying lenses of the paparazzi for so many years.

Touché.

* Your AL and NL players of the month for April are Josh Hamilton and Chase Utley respectively. Good on you, lads.

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

It's hard to complain after a shutout victory against the Bosox, but it would be remiss of me not to mention that we still face a very uphill battle in the weeks and months to come.

Jayson Stark throws a glass of cold numerical water in the faces of the optimists:

• The Blue Jays, Padres and Rockies won't want to hear that only 10 of 152 playoff teams since 1982 finished April more than three games under .500. And just one team since 1935 -- the 1979 Pirates -- was more than three games under after April and won the World Series.

• The Mariners and Dodgers won't want to hear that of the 126 teams that finished in first place over the last 25 full seasons, 99 of them (or 79 percent) were no worse than 2½ games out of first by the end of April.

• And the Indians, Tigers and Braves won't want to hear that in the wild-card era (1995 on), just 20 of 104 playoff teams (19 percent) were under .500 -- yep, even one game under -- at the end of April.

Yes, indeed.

May does not appear to be a "soft" month for the Jays at first glance. There is a 4-game home set with the Royals and a series against the Angels, a very good team the Jays have run roughshod over for years, but some stiffer opposition from the White Sox, Rays, Tribe, Twins, Phillies, and A's. Everyone's hoping for a nice long winning streak to square us at .500 by this time next week, but I would be surprised if we were at that point by the end of the month given the quality of the opposition we're about to face. And yes, I will high five you if if it turns out I was totally wrong.

Totally plagarizing from Cathal Kelly, here are the matchups for the upcoming weekender with the pale-hosers:

TONIGHT
vs. Chicago White Sox, 7 p.m.
RH Shaun Marcum (2-2, 3.24) vs. LH Mark Buehrle (1-2, 5.65)
TV: RSO RADIO: FAN 590

TOMORROW
vs. Chicago White Sox, 1 p.m.
RH Jesse Litsch (3-1, 4.85) vs. LH John Danks (2-2, 3.00)
TV: RSO RADIO: FAN 590

SUNDAY
vs. Chicago White Sox, 1 p.m.
RH Roy Halladay (2-4, 3.26) vs. RH Jose Contreras (2-2, 3.98)
TV: RSO RADIO: FAN 590

Your morning routine wouldn't be complete without a cup of Joe and some bat-shit craziness from Dick Griffin, but the big guy kind of lets us down with a fairly even keel piece on how we should be guardedly optimistic after last night's showing. He does go a little loopy inserting himself in the story with his final quote:

"Richard, so far May's a good month," Gibbons said before anyone could ask him a question, with a wide smile that showed he was happy to head home."

Frankly, if this is a new literary device to be incorporated into his Jays reportage, I'm fully supportive. A potential sample from tomorrow's paper:

"It was a dark and stormy night outside the Rogers Centre as I took the long slow walk into the Jays club house. I took one look at the lineup card, shook my head, then sought out the Jays skipper.

'Gibby, why in the name of Ron Leflore don't you use John McDonald as your leadoff man? He does all the little things the right way! Zut Alors!'

The Gruff Texan responded curtly, 'go fornicate yourself with a pop can, Griffin, you toothless hack. I'm fully aware that your 'front office' experience with the Expos involved little more than writing cookie cutter press releases. Now piss off!'

Jays 5-White Sox 2."

William Houston weighs in the old blogs v. mainstreamers debate in today's Globe if you're interested.

Wilner checks in on the bizarre balk call on BJ Ryan in the 9th, noting that he used the same motion for pretty much every pitch he threw in the inning. I should stop linking Wilner, really. We're redundant if you're reading The Oracle on a daily basis.

Wilner did pour cold water on a caller's suggestion that the Jays sign Raffy Furcal to play short for us in 2009. Rightly so. MLBTR figures he's in line for for 5 years at $75 million. I humbly remind you that we've suggested trading for Khalil Greene, an unhappy Padre who has alarming home-road splits (Petco is just killing the guy).

Those who were on the "bring in Barry Bonds" bandwagon will probably find a pair of lefty sluggers in Cincy, Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey II, who are available as mid-season acquisitions appealing alternatives. Unless Adam Lind fulfills the loftier expectations of guys like us.

ELSEWHERE:

* Yankees wunderbar Phil Hughes was a boo-boo on his right side and will likely be out until July. He'll be replaced in an already shaky rotation by Darrell Rasner, a Josh Towers-esque shit leopard in the making.

* We were spared any news on the Roger Clemens adultery front. Tomorrow's new rumoured paramour? Roseanne Barr?

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

Singing Country Lady Mindy McCready confirms that her relationship with Rocket Roger Clemens did involve naked hugging. And so on.

Jeff Blair calls out Vernon Wells, who's been like night and day this year:

It's nice that Scott Rolen has infused the Toronto Blue Jays with a little bit of presence but, really, shouldn't that be Vernon Wells's job?

Good point. Through the first 3-4 series of the year it looked like V-Dub was re-establishing himself as the one-man wrecking crew he was in 2003 and 2006. Since then he's looked like Shea Hillenbrand: dead pull hitter, the patience is gone, the results are disappointing. I will pass on the opening for an inappropriate lemur comment.

The big loser from more of the same from V-Dub this season will not be the handsomely-rewarded centrefielder as much as it will be manager John Gibbons, who still has the Sword of Damocles hanging over his head.

We go into Boston with these three matchups:

Halladay-Lester
McGowan-Matsuzaka
Burnett-Wakefield

I suspect the finale will be the most encouraging game of the set as AJ finally brings it all together and throws a gem against a legitimate offense. It was nice ending the losing streak on Sunday, but now the real business of deciding whether we're going to let this season spiral out of control is about to be addressed and I am feeling more than a little bit of trepidation.

MLBTR reports that the Reds have been shopping an unhappy Ryan Freel with little success. The 32-year-old former Jay is owed $7 million over this year and next. Do you see where I'm going with this? If the Reds were willing to eat some salary to move him and unclog their outfield logjam, Freel (good OBP skills, has hit lefties well, good OF D, basestealing speed) is far more worthy of a roster spot here than Shannon Stewart.

ELSEWHERE:

* The Big Hurt socked a triple yesterday, his first since the dead ball era, and went 3 for 3 with a walk in the A's 14-2 drubbing of the Angels yesterday. Mmhmm.

* Ouch! The Giants move $100 million shitballer Barry Zito to the bullpen. Have I ever mentioned why I dislike Bob McCown? It's not because he's abrasive, that I have no difficulty with. But the man clearly knows nothing about baseball. When JP failed in his bid to resign Ted Lilly and bring Gilgamesh on board in the 2006 offseason, McCown dropped this wisdom bomb: there's money in the kitty, if you can't get two $10 million starters why not go for one $20 million one? He wasn't disuaded by Brunt's (I think it was Brunt) counter argument that the money required to git 'er done was just as silly as the idea of targetting a rapidly declining lefty with fly ball rates that spelled disaster in the Rogers Centre. The Bobcat probably does know alot about sports I don't care a lick for, primarily the CFL, golf, and professional car driving (I'm just pulling them out of a hat, correct me if I'm wrong) but he's a poor source for informed baseball commentary and is thus totally useless to me.

* Things that pass for funny in the lesser divisions of the American League...

-- Johnny Was

The Roundup

That's right, victory! And mercifully, an off day to let it all sink in before taking on the hated (and also reeling?) Boston Red Sox at Fenway. Previews here, yo.

Normally I bury this sort of semi-interesting bit of info on an AL East rival at the end of The Roundup, but this is just too juicy. Rogers Clemens was villified as a drug user and liar after the Mitchel Report came out and here's betting that the Rocket will now likely look back fondly on those simpler times after what's come out in the NY Daily New this morning.

If you're a reprehensible human being, why not also commit adultory (well, technically statuatory rape because the relationship began when she was 15) with country singer Mindy McCready? Rog denies that the two played hide the hotdog and claims the relationship was on the up and up. He's a believable guy (to Republican fan boys), so I'm sure this will just blow over.

There's a line of thinking that goes like this: Gregg Zaun can't throw, Gregg Zaun is a bad catcher, and finally, Gregg Zaun should be run out of town. Oh, I totally don't see his name in either category here in a list provided by Yahoo's Weekly Rundown, so what gives?

BEST AND WORST AT CATCHING BASE THIEFS (and this week's opponents)
BOTTOM 5 (Worst)	CS	ATT	CS%
John Buck, KC – (at Texas, at Cleveland)	1	12	0.083
Brian McCann, Atl – (at Washington, Cincinnati)	3	21	0.143
Mike Napoli, LAA – (Oakland, Baltimore)	2	13	0.154
Josh Bard, SD – (at Philadelphia, at Florida)	6	33	0.181
A.J. Pierzynski, ChW – (at Minnesota, at Toronto)	3	13	0.230
TOP 5 (Best)	CS	ATT	CS%
Joe Mauer, Min – (Chi White Sox, Detroit)	6	12	0.500
Matt Treanor, Fla – (L.A. Dodgers, San Diego)	7	15	0.467
Victor Martinez, Cle – (Seattle, Kansas City)	5	11	0.454
Paul Bako, Cin – (at St. Louis, at Atlanta)	7	16	0.438
Yorvit Torrealba, Col – (at San Francisco, L.A. Dodgers)	4	10	0.400

Will has speculated that JP should extend Zaun for 2009 at some point this year and I would concur with that line of thinking. Johjima is off the market now (not that it was a smart deal for the M's, but that's another story), so there really isn't much you can do with cash to upgrade at the position. Zaunner is an adequate catcher who'll come cheaply and be classy enough to help transition a rookie, probably Diaz) into his job. Fits like a glove, dudes.

I sometimes say disparaging things about The Sun, but I don't want to give the impression that Bob Elliot doesn't often write a nice, folksy little piece or two from time to time. Despite the horrible week we just had, we're still just 3.5 back in the division. The DJFs like to think that the poor baseball we played was the byproduct of a nasty flu bug going around the club house and there's no reason to find that argument implausible. As I frequently say, the Glass is Half Full (of Sleeman's).

Blair notes that Scotty Downs has some "shoulder tenderness", but there's no indication yet he'll have to visit the DL. It would be less that catastrophic if he did now with the emergence of Jesse Carlson, who picked up the save yesterday.

Wilner credits Gibby for shaking up the lineup yesterday, but still would prefer to see Eck slotted down near the bottom. Agreed, but baby steps. I like that he moved V-Dub down, realizing that salary shouldn't determine where you hit. "No blogaggeness" with the off day today.

ELSEWHERE:

* Jorge Posada will be headed to the DL with a shoulder injury. This had to be expected, I mean in general terms; the Yankees are a very old team and some of these guys are bound to break down over the course of the season.

* Um, the Rays just swept the Bosox. Are we in for a 4-team race in the AL East? I still don't think so, but some will jump to that conclusion.

-- Johnny Was