Monday, 5 May 2008

The Roundup

I kind of feel for the Sox after their loss yesterday even though, in general, I find Ozzie Guillen to be one the least sympathetic characters in the game. The events that transpired during the Jays 3-run third were deliciously mischievous: Rios made a minor base-running blunder, but the umps blew the call on what should've been a double play, we go on to score some runs, etc. It's exactly the sort of thing that had been happening to us during the Week of Suck just past.

Ozzie's defense mechanism when backed into a corner is to drop more F-bombs per square sentence than a druken sailor with Tourette's sydrome. (By the way, I recommend Jonathan Lethem's Motherless Brooklyn as far and away the best, saddest book I've ever read about a private eye who suffers from Tourette's).

Put the kids to bed, because here's some pure, unbridled, rage-filled Ozzie:

"We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]," Guillen said sarcastically before the Sox (14-15) lost to the Blue Jays 4-3 and fell below .500 for the first time since April 3.

" The Cubs haven't won in [100] years, and they're the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win.

"We have the worst owner (Jerry Reinsdorf). The guy's got seven [bleeping] rings, and he's the [bleeping] horse[bleep] owner."


My name is Ozzie. I'm an intensely-talented manager who consistently outperforms his Pythag on a yearly basis. And I'm a... swear-aholic. [polite applause].

And just what in the hell were they doing in the visitor's club house before the game? Fidlin writes:

Over in the White Sox clubhouse, they had some sort of pagan ritual going, trying to energize their anemic offence. The less everyone knows, the better, but it did involve maple bats (not syrup) and inflatable dolls.

If they've got country white dudes like Jim Thome practicing Santeria, be afraid, be very afraid. Somebody pass me a sacrificial goat so we can counter hex them!

Actually, it looked like this (cheers MacLeod, for the uncensored version):

Visitors to the Chicago White Sox clubhouse yesterday were – how should we put this – rather surprised by the site of two inflatable female dolls perched on a couch.

The dolls were surrounded by the game bats that the White Sox were going to use later on that day against the Blue Jays.

One of the bats was inserted in a delicate spot, but the doll didn't seem to mind.

“You've Got To Push” read a sign one of the dolls was holding. “Let's Go White Sox,” said another.

Hrm, that's moderately to extremely sexist.

It's Dusty-Vazquez in the finale of this four gamer as the Jays try to sweep the pale hosers out of town and I can't believe I'm writing this after that roadtrop from... On deck are the Tampa Bay Rays fresh off being swept at Fenway. Those britches a little big, fellas?

The Oracle lists his favourite Jays blogs and we are, woot woot!, on the list. It's an honour, sir, to be skim read by you. And believe me, Mr. Wilner, we are indeed trying to contribute to the downfall of society; I have a list of those to be lined up against the wall once the revolution begins. Hahahahaha.

And speaking of the blogosphere, is All Your Base Are Belong to Rios now defunct? I'm giving their link to the Ghostrunners, whose bizarre sense of humour and collection of Descendents cassettes dovetails nicely with my own unique world view.

The Oracle did address a topic of interest on JaysTalk yesterday, namely, what do we do with a very crowded bullpen full of quality arms? Brian Tallet and Jason Frasor haven't pitched since the last vernal equinox, Brian Wolfe is set to come off the DL in a fortnight or so, and Brandon League is still kicking about in AAA. Let's make a trade!

Last year the Pads traded 2-month rental Scott Linebrink, a slightly better than average 7th inning guy, to Milwaukee for three players, including lefty K machine Joe Thatcher. Back in '06, the Nationals sent two relievers, Gary Majewski and Bill Bray along with assorted flotsam and jetsam to the Reds for Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez. Perhaps that doesn't look like such a slam dunk victory for the Nats now, but Majewski and Bray both flamed out while Kearns and Lopez are major league starters. The point is that these surplus, semi-redunant relief arms may not be valued much by us, but someone will overpay for them.

I'd have to figure Tallet should be the most likely to be traded because he's got 2+ solid seasons under his belt and will be arbitration eligible next year. If Frasor is to be used less often then Shawn Camp, he could just as easily be included in a package. Think shortstop, JP, because we're going to need a new one next year.

On a final note, the question of Adam Lind's struggles at the dish. Let him play fulltime regardless because he is certainly an integral part of the future. There's no reason to think a kid who hit .367/.415/.600 in his first month in the bigs won't start smacking the ball around. You clamoured for him, you got him, so stick with your man.


* Roger Clemens says he's "sorry" for mistakes he's made in his personal life. Don't tell us Rog, save it for the Mrs.

* Dontrelle "Watchoo Talkin'bout?" Willis tweaked his knee on a rehab assignment and doesn't look likely to return to the Tigers' rotation any time soon. Jim Leyland is promising "changes" after his club was swept out of Minny on the weekend, which can only mean that he's switching brands from Marlboros to Camel Wides (and going to demand a whole lot more small ball out of a big ball lineup).

-- Johnny Was


Jay K. said...

Isn't the next step in the Ozzie Guillen defense system to start gay bashing? I mean, he's only got to be a few more losses away from busting some of that out right?

The Southpaw said...

It's either the gays or a lack of clutch hitting, or a lack of gay clutch hitting?