The Roundup

I'm growing mildly annoyed at Rance's inability to note that someone does something "well" rather than "good." Rance, you don't not speak English no good. That translates into hillbilly as "you don't speak our shared language very well."

Normally I let this sort of thing slide, but I am in an uppity mood when it comes to the Jays these days. For the record, I do believe that Rance is a pretty sharp guy--especially compared to the Special Olympian he works with--and was a damn fine hitter in his day in a Frank Catalanatto sort of way. And I'm old enough to remember seeing him leg out an inside the park home run in KC so many years ago. That was cool.

Sorry Rance, I just needed to vent. It's not your fault the Jays are playing like a collection of sad-sack losers.

Holy shit, but did we not call it a week ago? Blair reports that Jesse "the Body" Litsch's hold on the fifth starter's spot is as tenuous as the continued existance of a jelly donut in the ginger-haired youngster's sight line. Heyo!

The ugly:

Litsch, 2-1, has totalled just 19 innings in his four starts, giving up 28 hits, including three homers. Once again, pitching without his sinker – Hinske said he didn't see the pitch once from Litsch, and while he went out of his way to commend the former Rays bat boy for having “good stuff.”

Litsch said the secret to regaining the sinker – aside from extra video work – will be “just throwing it a lot.” He said he has not had command of the pitch this year, at least not more than occasionally.

Last night's effort prompted a barrage of F-bombs from the usually mild-mannered skip.

I don't particularly want to talk about last night's game anymore, but Wilner raises a question about the quality of the infield, especially on the right side, at this minor league facility we're playing at seeing as both teams' first basemen badly misplayed semi-routine ground balls. I am quite pleased that the indignity of playing at Disneyworld will not be imposed on any other team next year.

JP will be doing his weekly Wednesday interview with MW later today and will even take questions from (irate?) callers. A sneak preview:

Caller 1: Why don't we sign Bonds, JP? He's just what we need, and plus, it'd drive Richard Griffin bat-shit insane, which is part of your MO, right?

JP: I know he's a great hitter, but he'd cost at least $10 million (probably pro-rated) that we just don't have. Do you think we'd have taken Shannon Stewart over Reed Johnson to save $1.5-2 mil or so if I had the money to sign Bonds? The guy's also a raging asshole, too, which doesn't particularly bother me if he performs on the field, but those of you who've commented on the docility of the Toronto media have no idea the shitstorm that bringing him in would cause.

Caller 2: So, when are you going to get around to calling Adam Lind up?

JP: When we feel the need. He's coming off an injury and Stewart is a career .300 hitter. We just need the bats we have presently to start hitting.

Caller 3: Scott Rolen is basically being called on to be the saviour of this club as it faces (another) early season collapse. How do you expect him to react to the pressure?

JP: He's a dirtbag, always plays hard and always will play hard regardless of the circumstances. He's a big bat in our lineup, but we've gotten a pretty nice contribution from Scutaro early. I think he'll be fine.

Editor's note: Scutaro is in fact JP's second cousin, so he is bound by an unspoken oath to this his grandmother's sister never to speak ill of the career utility man.

And so on. Wilner will dismiss the less coherent rants of the Chicken Little set, as he always does. It should be must listen radio.

I'm not really a fan of the Sun's monosyllabic baseball coverage, but Bob Elliot did put together a nice little piece here on buyouts that were much worse than the one JP just orchestrated with what's his name on the weekend. Did Elliot write this as a rebuttal to Griffin's ass-hatted article the other day calling Thomas the worst free agent signing in team history? If so, an extendo hat tip to you, sir. It's just money, people. And we come out ahead in the offseason. Let's stop talking about this now, mkay?

If you have the stomach for it, here's Dick's new mailbag.

Yesterday the Tao of Stieb commented on a Carlos Delgado return to TO. We like the Taos (tacos, too) and they do admit that the very idea is "irresponsible speculation." Just noting that this stat geek at fangraphs has flow charts and VEN diagrams (whatever those are) showing that King Carlos is indeed at the end of a very great career. I'd argue that after just getting married and fathering a child in the last year or two, Delgado's mind is elsewhere. Since we all agree that he was a fantastic human being, it's probably better to think he faded away from the game he once dominated to be a family man rather than because he couldn't bring it anymore.

Some Friday in the not so distant future, look for him and the Mrs. in the comfy green chairs at the Rogers Centre.

ELSEWHERE:

* The Tigers have quickly come to the realization that Miguel Cabrera can do the least amount of damage defensively at first base and have promptly moved him there. Should've happened in spring training, but still.

* This is the Josh Beckett we know and love! The one who gets hurt all the time! And racism at Fenway? What is this, the 1950s? Or any continental European football match today?

-- Johnny Was